Structure & Surprise

All Turned Around

Dear Volta,

In the past few years,

you’ve become a huge

part of my life.  I think about you

almost constantly these days,

and that absolutely terrifies me.  For a

while after we met, I thought

you were trying to avoid me.  I felt

like I was constantly searching

for you and had no idea

where to even begin.

Then I started to learn your ways,

and we grew close.

Maybe a little too close.

You started to show up

everywhere, even when I wasn’t

looking for you.  Now it seems like

I can’t get away from you

anymore, and I think I really just

need some space.

It’s not that you’re not great,

I just don’t think I can

keep playing your games.

I feel like you’re just

spinning me in circles and

I’m not sure what you

want me to think.  You invite

your friends over unannounced

when I think it’s just going

to be the two of us settling in

for a cozy night by the fire.  You’ve just

become too unpredictable –

I never know what

you’re going to look like

the next time I see you,

and sometimes you just don’t

make any sense at all.

I’m trying my best to understand

you, but it’s like you just

keep sending me in different directions,

and I can’t take it anymore.

The thing is,

despite all that,

I still need.

I want you.

As much as I complain,

I still look for you constantly –

every time I open a book or go on

a computer, you’re there,

as patient with me as ever.

And when I don’t see you,

everything just seems so

predictable and boring.  Every time

I think I just need to get away

from you for a while,

you show me

a brand new way of looking at things

and I remember why

you fascinate me.

You’ve always been there

when I needed you, and you

constantly give me

new things to look forward to.

Finding you

changed the way I see the world,

and I can’t imagine my life

without you anymore.

And, if I’m being honest,

I can’t get enough of your but.

Don’t ever change.

Love, Emily

–by Emily Susina

*

Emily Susina is a senior at Illinois Wesleyan University, majoring in English (with a concentration in writing) and Greek and Roman Studies.  She serves an assistant with Voltage Poetry, the online anthology of poems with great turns, and discussion of those poems, co-edited by Kim Addonizio and me.  Clearly, the work is getting to her…!